Anis, 17.

afraid I could go under-
04:24 Saturday, 19 September 2009

So lately I've been tired of a lot of things. The two people I come into contact with on a daily basis is mum and Ash, the very people I fight the most with. But I guess it's the balance for all the love I give and receive...which,in retrospect is alright. This is a rare moment that I do get the chance to update this thing, so I'll probably be long winded and all.

My week in a nutshell was falling sick with fever and nausea, seeing a lot of Ash/mum and my beloved campus, and yelling at our cat. I lost so many days to do my assignments because my stupid self couldn't really fend off the constant lack of sleep/nutrients(probably) and the fact that I was feeling so shitty and sick of losing everything I'd known including all my friends and my material wants and needs. I'll come to that later. So, my assignments are all...lagging behind and I'm trying to makeup for that by going back to school to do my pattern making (so far I've done maybe 4 out of the 7 due? yay me!) and a bit of research. I need so much text and pictures for this one, and a good thing too. My mind has been starved of so much intellectual stimulation my language has gone down the pooper.

....case in point.

Digressing, I still have a long way to go but hopefully I'll make it in time. These past two weeks of ""break"" was full of a lot of angst and crying and blackouts for the most part. While I was sick I blacked out a lot, though luckily it was easy to pass them off as just falling asleep due to the panadols I had to shovel. I think Ash came down everyday to see me this last week, which is awesome because God knows I need something constant in my life. I've been having to adapt to a new life so many times it doesn't bother me much, but I think it's taking a huge toll on mum, and I really don't care for it. She takes so much crap without me being Queen Bitch of the Universe. Another learning point of me this week : Some things you just shut up about.

Yes, it takes me this long to realize that. I realize my competitive nature of "win every argument" is really damaging to Ash's esteems and mum's sanity, so I just really need to know when to bit my tongue. I really have been doing that a lot more lately, maybe it's a good thing Ramadan was here? I realize my temperament was really really volatile and I'd get into insane fights with Ash and mum. But at the same time I've learned to hold my tongue somewhat.

Lucky thing mum and I get to look after the studio. It's called Betelgeuse Jamming Studios and is pretty much awesome is term of space.Seriously, if anyone wants to just check the place out drop me a text or tag. I've yet to free all the images from my camera. We've got a cat with us, her name's Esther, but I just call her Kitty. She's a bitch as well, has mood swings like mad. My world has been narrowed a lot lately, and friends become less of a priority, admittedly. Shifting here and there is totes disorientating, so I'm more concerned with my things than others. To be honest, I can completely turn myself off even when Ash is around or talking, because I'm just so damn tired of giving a shit (I'm sorry hun, but you'll understand me soon enough). My classmate Elizabeth (though I think I can safely call her friend) is one I've been most contact with. She's so cool, literally. Though there is still an air of mystery to her, I think she "gets" me. Thank GOD for that really, I might just die under the soul-crushing effects of loneliness.

I mean, I can't always have Ash with me- I'll drive him nuts. I haven't worn Lolita in the longest time, and it's making me so sad. Hopefully I'll get the chance to wear it to school soon. But even that doesn't hold much priority for me now. Now I need to sort familial ties and schoolwork. To be honest it almost feels like a relief that school has stopped all social outings. I'm just so bad at being human that it should be a relief for people that I can't meet them. At the same time I feel so suffocated under all this pressure to do my own thing. My mantra for everyday is "I have to be strong."

Now I'm more open to music and the like. Here are a few I've had a soft spot for:









I tried uploading photos of outfits and such, but since it seems to be a slow night, no photos dear Reader. Mum and the boys and I may be heading to Johor for a few days for Raya, so if anyone texts me between now and monday and I don't reply, you'll know why.


ALSO. My phone plans allows for unlimited free texting, so if you're bored, just text me. I think maybe I really should give a go at this socializing thing (because it would probably be better for me when I'm forced to be with people...hopefully) and because my phone is quite lonely as well. It's about five am now, and I should be getting some shut eye lest the fever returns. But I probably won't and play some Left for Dead instead. I have such a crush on Louise.




Hopefully soon I'll get to watch 9 with Ash. This would be our first "real" date in..five months. No schoolwork, no one else but just us. That would be nice.

Labels: arch enemy, daily bla, family, kamelot, school crap, Song I can't get out of my head

O HAI, LEAVE A MESSAGE AND I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

ANISAWR<3
NUR AZRIIII<3
FIZAH GLAM<3
KOK CHAI<3
FABIAN
AFIQAH
DIANA
DARREN
SHAMIRAAAAAA
SOFEEYAH
DINGS

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