{....}

2010-08-03T03:39:00.002+08:00

i miss my friends.

2010-04-25T03:06:00.003+08:00

School will be ending soon, two days before my birthday. Yes I'll be old enough to club without getting the "OMG HAYYY SCHOOL CHILDZZZ" shitch again, but all I really want is sleep. Sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and fix my horrible skin. Or have ash come over and watch movies with me or sit in MacDonalds all day long and watch him and his friends play Magic (and hopefully learn something) and chill. Now it's matter of getting through until then.

Anyhow, quick recap of how my life went so far-
school school school
lost phone, ezlink and thumbdrive
laptop crashed crashed crashed
can't get my work back

lost so many pictures and stuff

ARGAgahghagrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I feel sad that I won't be able to write any stories or dream about anything fancy in the meanwhile...but like everything else, it will all come to pass.

Hopefully things will be alright.

2010-04-18T22:29:00.003+08:00

So it's been a million years since I've been here, and a lot of changed in my life.

For one, my relationships with people have become a lot more stable (namely the one with Ash...yes he's still here), and I'm no less closer to becoming better with people but I'm working on it. Just a post to say Hey I'm alive still, check back maybe in a week or two.

don't be naive...

2009-12-03T03:19:00.005+08:00

This year, I did really badly in school. Worse ever in my life.
I don't think I'll ever live this down, but that's fine by me. I used to be the one that could always handle it, and deal with things and be strong, and suddenly this year...not so much. Just weak and pathetic and stupid. So, so stupid.

I learnt a lot of things tonight. I'm glad I did.

It just made me realize how blessed I am to have who I have in my life. I don't have a lot of them..but the ones that stay? God. They really do care. I felt that I lost my sense of self a long time ago. Sometime through the first term. I think that was when I became less and less sure about myself. And I became more aware of failure as an option. I tanked in school. Surely I'll disappoint my parents, but I'm going to take this in stride. I have the talent. I'm sure I do, somewhere...but I'm missing my drive. What happened to it, I don't know. But I'm going to make sure it comes back. Until then..I'll make the most of my time.

I need to sort myself out. I keep saying this but keeps getting pushed aside.

Well. Only a month or less left of break, and I need to stop wasting time.

please hold...

2009-11-30T13:07:00.002+08:00

In johor at the moment, have a ton of photos to upload.

Hopefully I'll have a proper post after I'm done with the uploading.

I can't stop-

2009-11-24T04:17:00.001+08:00

I want to dance like that so baddddddddddddddd :(

sooooo-

2009-11-18T22:56:00.002+08:00

Holidays!

And today's outing with Azri and Gavin was awesome! Hopefully she'll post the photos soon. Tons or para and shooting bad guys.

Took tons of photos along the way

and

broke up with ash.

Anyhu, i think things will be okay for me soon.
I need a break.

2009-11-02T08:03:00.002+08:00

I want to be getting ready for school, to rush my makeup and be complaining about how sleepy I am but this is all normal bla bla bla. Because then it feels normal and as though I have a bit of routine.

Instead I'm here at dad's typing so painfully slow because my eyes are so swollen now they feel like they just might explode. They burn. I hate this, i hate feeling useless and sick and missing school. Because god knows I'm already falling so far behind it just might get worse.

it would be great if life just paused for one week so I can get through it in time for assessment, then we'll see how things go.

Dear God, please make my life stable.

amin.

Is everyone here make believe?

2009-10-29T01:05:00.002+08:00

I miss a lot of things.

I miss having my family under one roof, I miss seeing my friends..my other family on a regular basis, and I miss feeling secure. It's been a while, but I'm _fairly_ optimistic that this will all come to pass and I'll be just fine.

Although, before that can happen, I'm not so sure.

I've stopped being interested in my schoolwork, and I wish I haven't. I crave history and literature and music and so many other things I cannot pursue in the meantime. As much as I want to pursue fashion, I'm just not so sure anymore. It all feels so superficial and monotonous...which is ironic considering my other interests.

Having ash in my life reminds me constantly of the things I used to love as a child- the prose, the history..the reading into every single little thing it drives me nuts when I either cannot articulate or comprehend it. I miss being able to do these things, and a part of me feels like I'll never get to do them ever again.

I miss the long talks and debates we used to have, the times when we'd stopped speaking because we disagreed about say..religion. And how we'd stare at each other and suddenly burst out laughing because we're just ridiculous.

I can't wait for the holidays to roll around - finally some opportunity to create some magic. Maybe a collaboration for ash and I, I'm not entirely sure. Maybe some pictures/stories..I'm not very good with photoshop.

Also, holidays means dates! I hope this'll be enough to keep me going, haha. I still haven't had a proper date with ash in a long while. Movies, a day lazing about or running around the city with his huge camera and maybe hitting the arcade. Yeah. Just like old times. To break the text up:

I think I might wanna try incorporating this into freestyle. I mean. It can look pretty ugly, but the hand movement things are pretty rad.

Moving on, here's something else I miss ; clean skin. My skin alll over has gone so bad I don't even know where to begin. It literally makes me want to scratch my skin in vain attempts to rip the thing off my flesh. I still have several grievances with myself, though considerably less so.

For one, my stomach is now an odd pouch thing where it's not so much fat as it is weird left over. I haven't weight myself in ages, hope I get to do that soon. I need sleep and exercise...but this will all come soon. Looks like I've got one hell of a weekend this week.

To creating magic
a.

PARRRTAAYYYY

2009-10-26T21:49:00.002+08:00

CLICK TO MAKE BIG BIG

PLEASE COME AND SUPPORT ME MY LOVES

DRESSING UP STRONGLY ENCOURAGED

instatiable

2009-10-19T22:05:00.003+08:00

It's been a while. I've been going back and forth between mum and dad, trying to deal with schoolwork. I'm still lousy at it, but I guess it's alright. I like my classmates, I can call them friends. I feel so ...blessed in spite of everything (yeah, cliched and corny but just hear me out okay). I still have a home, family and friends...and Ash.

Last Saturday was our double date with Azri and her mystery guy. It was awesomeee. Although I did hit a few speed bumps as per usual with Ash, the day was overall awesome and sooooooooo worth me not doing my work.

Another reason for my slow progress was taobao.

Alcie told me about an ongoing spree for ANYTHING from taobao, and what else but rori! did I search for :DDD

I had a lot of options in mind, so many awesome things to get, but finally settled on just one (plus, it's all I can afford haha)

Other awesome picks that were not chosen:

anddddd

yes. All black, all awesome.

backkk to work.

old feelings come rushing back-

2009-10-11T21:09:00.002+08:00

Met up with Chloe and Gordon today, together with Daryl and Mac(is it?). Pretty fabbbbulous, even though it was for maybe two hours? Yeah. Had a cuppa and then headed to the arcade. I gave them the biggest hugs ever. It's been what, 2 years? God I never really thought about missing them, but then today I realized with a sinking feeling that they were the ones I missed the most. I missed their wit, the random talks and strange reactions to nothing in particular. I missed the air the familiarity we had. Hell, I just missed us.

I nearly wanted to cry giving them a hug each. Talk about overly emotional. I think I made a new friend today. It's been a while since I para-ed, and I was so rusty. One day I'll get someone to tape me while I'm at it. I need to find a new way to para, haha.

Back to work.

2009-10-10T11:29:00.001+08:00

change, change, change, I need to change.

Before I implode and before everyone around me goes away.

change, change, change.

YAY

2009-09-23T23:19:00.005+08:00

I had a fantastic day!

Or what should be fantastic? I don't know,haha. I've come down with a case of sneezing due to staying up late, but I think it's all good. Second day in a row blogging. It's been a long time since I've done that lol. I dropped my phone again today, yay me. Seriously fucking with it, I can't always call out or my calls don't get through? I hate having to call and call and call and call and yet I just don't get through.

Life has been a lot better, though I am kinda bummed I'm not going to be able to make it for viv's sleepover thing. Haven't been checking any other blogs things aside from hautemacabre and projectrungay and...style.com

I feel so pathetic in that sense. If only I knew how to code blogskins! This one is a little wonky for me,so maybe I'll just switch to the default skin.

Since alllll the heavy assignments due are all panicky-omg-due-tomorrow and Friday, I've been under some uncharacteristic stress. Though, since my class has been granted an extension of of assignment tomorrow (YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS), I feel so much better. Seriously. My brain was -this- close to imploding. Today was fantastic because of that reason. Yes, that reason only. Also, I found out another bus that goes by the studio and got my folder thing for pattern making.

In other amazing news, I'm the new assist. classman. Yaaaaaay.
I'm tired of wearing pants already, eeeeeehhh. I'm figuring things out, and omg fiber quiz tomorrow. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

And I realize I've been so shagged that I've been spelling extension as "extention" all night long. Yay!

so hot

2009-09-22T23:55:00.004+08:00

Some looks from Ann Demeulemeester, pictures from style.com
We have similar minds, yay! I cut my bangs in a V, not really sure if it's working for me. I feel myself branching out to different street styles and being open to more design types. Which is good. School has been good for me.
An old outfit for school. Rushing so much that I just pretty much threw on whatever didn't need ironing.

I'll be stuck in pants for the week, ugh :|

and and, I'm stuck rushing assignments because I'm a horrible person who rushes assignmentsssssssss.

afraid I could go under-

2009-09-19T04:24:00.009+08:00

So lately I've been tired of a lot of things. The two people I come into contact with on a daily basis is mum and Ash, the very people I fight the most with. But I guess it's the balance for all the love I give and receive...which,in retrospect is alright. This is a rare moment that I do get the chance to update this thing, so I'll probably be long winded and all.

My week in a nutshell was falling sick with fever and nausea, seeing a lot of Ash/mum and my beloved campus, and yelling at our cat. I lost so many days to do my assignments because my stupid self couldn't really fend off the constant lack of sleep/nutrients(probably) and the fact that I was feeling so shitty and sick of losing everything I'd known including all my friends and my material wants and needs. I'll come to that later. So, my assignments are all...lagging behind and I'm trying to makeup for that by going back to school to do my pattern making (so far I've done maybe 4 out of the 7 due? yay me!) and a bit of research. I need so much text and pictures for this one, and a good thing too. My mind has been starved of so much intellectual stimulation my language has gone down the pooper.

....case in point.

Digressing, I still have a long way to go but hopefully I'll make it in time. These past two weeks of ""break"" was full of a lot of angst and crying and blackouts for the most part. While I was sick I blacked out a lot, though luckily it was easy to pass them off as just falling asleep due to the panadols I had to shovel. I think Ash came down everyday to see me this last week, which is awesome because God knows I need something constant in my life. I've been having to adapt to a new life so many times it doesn't bother me much, but I think it's taking a huge toll on mum, and I really don't care for it. She takes so much crap without me being Queen Bitch of the Universe. Another learning point of me this week : Some things you just shut up about.

Yes, it takes me this long to realize that. I realize my competitive nature of "win every argument" is really damaging to Ash's esteems and mum's sanity, so I just really need to know when to bit my tongue. I really have been doing that a lot more lately, maybe it's a good thing Ramadan was here? I realize my temperament was really really volatile and I'd get into insane fights with Ash and mum. But at the same time I've learned to hold my tongue somewhat.

Lucky thing mum and I get to look after the studio. It's called Betelgeuse Jamming Studios and is pretty much awesome is term of space.Seriously, if anyone wants to just check the place out drop me a text or tag. I've yet to free all the images from my camera. We've got a cat with us, her name's Esther, but I just call her Kitty. She's a bitch as well, has mood swings like mad. My world has been narrowed a lot lately, and friends become less of a priority, admittedly. Shifting here and there is totes disorientating, so I'm more concerned with my things than others. To be honest, I can completely turn myself off even when Ash is around or talking, because I'm just so damn tired of giving a shit (I'm sorry hun, but you'll understand me soon enough). My classmate Elizabeth (though I think I can safely call her friend) is one I've been most contact with. She's so cool, literally. Though there is still an air of mystery to her, I think she "gets" me. Thank GOD for that really, I might just die under the soul-crushing effects of loneliness.

I mean, I can't always have Ash with me- I'll drive him nuts. I haven't worn Lolita in the longest time, and it's making me so sad. Hopefully I'll get the chance to wear it to school soon. But even that doesn't hold much priority for me now. Now I need to sort familial ties and schoolwork. To be honest it almost feels like a relief that school has stopped all social outings. I'm just so bad at being human that it should be a relief for people that I can't meet them. At the same time I feel so suffocated under all this pressure to do my own thing. My mantra for everyday is "I have to be strong."

Now I'm more open to music and the like. Here are a few I've had a soft spot for:

I tried uploading photos of outfits and such, but since it seems to be a slow night, no photos dear Reader. Mum and the boys and I may be heading to Johor for a few days for Raya, so if anyone texts me between now and monday and I don't reply, you'll know why.

ALSO. My phone plans allows for unlimited free texting, so if you're bored, just text me. I think maybe I really should give a go at this socializing thing (because it would probably be better for me when I'm forced to be with people...hopefully) and because my phone is quite lonely as well. It's about five am now, and I should be getting some shut eye lest the fever returns. But I probably won't and play some Left for Dead instead. I have such a crush on Louise.

Hopefully soon I'll get to watch 9 with Ash. This would be our first "real" date in..five months. No schoolwork, no one else but just us. That would be nice.

2009-09-13T16:26:00.001+08:00

I really need a hug right about now. =/

who and the what now?

2009-09-09T02:31:00.004+08:00

So life thus far:

-moving back and forth from bugis studio and yishun haus
-trying to figure out things for Nafa..
-trying to figure out family/platonic relationships
-balancing money/time/lack of time

so.nothing out of the ordinary. But since my blog has been dead for a bit, an update.

Today:
Stayed over and did errands and whatnot. Went back to yishun to grab stuff then headed down to meet Ash for buka. Spent some time together talking and general hanging out and he sent me home and and and anddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.
My memory's been really bad lately.

OH YEAH.

Auditions. About 5 turned up, all of whom CHOSE TO SIGN IN! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

SO PEOPLE.
IF YOU'D LIKE TO BOOK A JAMMING STUDIO OUR RATES AS GOES:
$15/HOUR (for our small room)
$30 FOR THE WHOLE FREAKING DAY (small room)
$18/HOUR(for the big room)
$40 FOR THE WHOLE DAYYY (big room)
air conditioned :D!

Plugging aside, I feel so crappy still about my presentation last Monday. I lost my train of thought, my words were horribly crass and redundant and I present myself as an unintelligent moron. Furthermore I really couldn't feel much of my lower extremities and such. I basically stood there and babbled...for like 2 minutes. ehhhhh.

hopefully tomorrow's a better day.

I'm not dead

2009-08-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

So, school's started and all. My workload's pretty alright, and outfits are mostly bla, but alright. I'm at the new haus, and this computer is pretty fucked. The msn is the super fuck shiny one, it can't display my eljay or facebook right (yes, I has facebook) and I can't post pictures. Wow, awesomeeee.

2009-08-08T15:07:00.000+08:00

Alright, due the the lack of updates, here's a video.

comments/tags will be appreciated.

2009-07-28T14:24:00.000+08:00

everything annoys me, everyone pisses me off.

I hate this.

2009-07-15T14:08:00.000+08:00

FUCK

I DROPPED MY IPOD SHUFFLE IN THE FUCKING WASHING MACHINE

FUCK

FUCKING SMALL IPOD FUCK

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

NOBODY

2009-07-10T21:47:00.003+08:00

I'm super slow with trends, but I LOVE THIS SONG

and I am SO GOING TO LEARN IT.

Wish my brother luck for his one minute of fame thing!<3

2009-06-24T03:11:00.000+08:00

knn.

don't maek me melt.

2009-06-24T01:32:00.001+08:00

there comes a time when my patience is tested and everybody fucking pisses me off.

don't look for me. I'll only come to you when I need you.

outfit post and RORIDAYYY<3

2009-06-08T00:10:00.004+08:00

MAY

An outfit from a while back, I think it was for an day out with Ash for general nonsense and discussion.

Imagine wearing this on a warm day. Hooo yeah. I didn't want to take it off too often. You wouldn't either if your top inside looked like this. My girls were mostly "H-E-L-L-O WORLLDDDDD!" because of the neckline. This hoodie is impossible to corrdinate ; partly why I bought it. Also, it's uber tacky and tasteless. Making it even twice as much awesome when I finally coordinate it properly.

Rundownnn-
Hoodie : Jusco
Top : from mum
socks : taka
shoes : brother's, Converse
Skirt : Angsana

And don't worry, that's Aziz in the background.

Wedding thing.

I had two roses in my hair, yay. I didn't wear those shoes, but why not, ha. Also, this will be fab for ero style. I don't really think there's anything ero-about it, but I think it's the work of my body,haha. Yes, I'm finally comfortable in it now, yayyy. Skirt from Bodyline and mum's shoes.

No matter how much I rotate this it just won't rotate, so I'm leaving it this way.

Just for a day out, felt like wearing something frilly. It's also my lame attempt at trying to mix regular things with lolita.

JUNE~!

Went for Vee's An Evening With Friends, and was late as usual. I really should work on this time thing.

I know, the skirt is insanely short. Iz diz rori?

Rundown:
Top: bYSI
Skirt: online
boots : Haru
socks : sox dreams
headpiece thing : this Fashion (it's falling apart)

Makeup was heavier than usual, and I didn't manage any photos since I was so tired after I got home.

PRE RORI DAY! YAY

Dressed down and casual since it was para day and girl tiems, which entails lots of walking and movement. Nothing you haven't seen from me. I'm doing a great impression of that bunny thing.

And a group shot:

Yoinked from Alcie's photobucket!

Another because Jolene is just so cute.

and finally...

INTERNASHUNAL RORI DAY

While waiting for Alcie in the bathroom we decide to indugle our vanity for a bit.
And ya know, shoving my head into the hand dryer.

'Cause that's how we roll.

Blurry shot of me without bolero.

Outfit shot.
I left home looking totally different, but alright I like this too.

Flower: present
Skirt :Baby, the Stars shine bright (alcie's!)
Shoes : G.L.P (also alcie's! I swear, I wore my own shoes at the beginning of the day.)
Bag : fake Anna Sui
Belt : Ice lemon tea
Bolero : Angelic Eyes

Rori day was sooo awesome. Met so many people and had fun doing silly poses and whatnot.

Now I'm kinda shagged and need sleep because it's 2.30 in the morning and I already have enough eyebags.

OMG LOLOLOLOLOL

2009-06-02T14:05:00.003+08:00

I had no idea it was Framing Hanley.
The original disguised me...and so does this over, but rest assured the cover sounds a lot better.

I'm so glad I didn't know in the first place, else I would've missed a good enough song like Count me In or Hear me Now. I think I'm bored by my music now, so anyone know of any good songs etc, leave a message on the tagboard or send em through msn. I usually don't mind any genres, as long as it's tolerable I suppose.

Now, back to the intellects.
Update should happen real soon, I think.

it's been a while-

2009-05-31T00:52:00.003+08:00

Lately, I've been tolerating more "dance"-style music. Hell, the Pussycat Dolls don't bother me anymore (except Don cha'; that just struck me as trying too hard) and my top played song on my iTunes is HaruHaru by the Big Bang. Embarrassing, I know. Also, for some days it's been increasingly difficult for me to upload pictures from my camera, because my in-built card reader is faulty.

But since I made a vow of ALWAYS PICTURE POSTS!!!!!11111ONEONEONE, here's one of my phone:

though a lot of stuff has come off it since this picture. And the stickers are totes filthy, I so can't wait till this dry spell is over then I can get new stickers. I know I know, the little heads are random and fugly and I generally suck at zhnging, but I don't like a naked phone.

Things have been a little complicated over in my corner of the universe. What with the having no home bit after this and money is tight and whatnot. I should get a job, I really should, but I don't want to. It seems quite pointless to get one now, since school is about a month away. In the meantime, I get to help mum with her company. Which isn't so bad I suppose. On a minor note, my fringe has been murdered ._.

Before it was just long and annoying, but not it's...so so so weird. It's layered. The hair cutter (CLEARLY NOT A HARI DRESSER THAT'S FOR SURE) person totally caught me off guard. I had no idea how those fringes looked like, and I just said "huh? eh?" which I think she mistook for "YES!" I'm sporting a MAJOR comb over to hide that. It doesn't look that horrible now because I think it grew out a little. I'm sure it'll look fine once it's grown out a little. In the mean time, I'm Donald Trump.

Outfit from a while ago:

With scarf + corsage.
Also, mum!<3

My hair for the day and proof I'm not always bloated.

Not rotated because I thought it looked cool. Also, LOOKIT THAT FACE. FIERCE ANNIT?[/fail]

Rundown-
Top: BHG tampines, lol
skirt: metro sengkang
socks: bandung, sox galeri
shoes: batam

I need maybe 5 pairs of those shoes in different colours. Or at least 5 pairs of those shoes. These are dying ._. I wear these with everything. And will continue to do so until they tear to bits.

You've prolly seen this, but anywayyy.

It's hilarious.

and this:

Mum was laughing so hysterically I thought she was going to lapse into a fit or something. We also made a trip to the Tiong Bahru mall after she was done with errands today. Pretty much bla bla blaaahhh clothing, but I saw boots that totally made my day. Pictures of those soon, hopefully.

2009-05-22T02:53:00.005+08:00

another belated post.

Taking photos with Sofi at Punggol...which bore no fruits due to her fact her forgetful brother forgot to put the SD card in the Nikon...>_>

still, got random photos on my digi cam anyway.

I don't know what it says, so if you know, please tell me.

With my scarf thing.

Here's a shot from a previous outing with Sofi:
which is, incidentally, my favourite shot. There was only one shot with a clear view of my face, and let's just say it isn't pretty. We didn't get that many shots either, because afterwards we got distracted. The shot above (named "The Line Walker") hasn't been touched up. I tried, but the original just seemed better...more sincere, if that makes any sense. Also, shiny bag! 8D

And she's one hell of a photographer to make my gams look that shapely.

Outfit for that day:
...Don't ask, I didn't know it he was there.
Rundown:
Top: BHG
dress: tampines
socks: bugis
shoes :converse
scarf : haji lane, ahah

That day was pretty awesome.

Also cannot get Quidam out of my head.

2009-05-21T04:03:00.004+08:00

I've got to pack up my things again and move, just like years before. And I don't know where I'm going to live next.

Only now, i understand the gravity of the situation, the consequence and costs. Now I'll have to share the same pain my mother must have felt come the time to move. I feel like a nomad.

But at least I'm not a child lost to the system.

It feels like I've rediscovered a bit of my childhood, listening to this:

I remember how disappointed I was when I didn't get to see them when they came to Singapore so many years ago. Granted, I was probably too young to comprehend...but I still wanted to see it. Now i feel so lost because I just don't really know where I' heading. Which shouldn't even be present, because I know what I want, because I KNOW where I want to head. Why am I doubting myself?
I'm hoping this will all change come July. But I fear that I'll feel more lost than ever, and I can't change myself. I just don't know how to. As I am now, I feel like such a failure as a human being. My chest feels so tight that it might just explode.

And...a part of me really does hope that happens. On the bright side. I feel alive. Maybe I am a masochist. Pain makes me feel alive, reminds me of the frantically throbbing heart in my chest with every beat feeling like its slamming onto concrete.

From now on I'm going to try to only blog when i feel my happiest or calmest, because I seem to complain about the same things over and over again. As I've been told to "learn a new song". Which reminds me, I really can't sing. Well, let's just hope I take good enough care of my hands or I'm screwed.

I'm definitely going to see Cirque du Soleil, whatever it takes.

2009-05-17T20:57:00.006+08:00

This is one I'd like to call Secretary chic.

With cardigan.

Without.Details.

Rundown.
Top : Batam
Belt: mum
Skirt: Ash
Cardigan : BHG

Sooo lately I've seen more people with T-straps like mine. I know I know, I'm not a speshul snowflake, but they wear it so dully. I rock them so much better, haha (whoops, ego.) Anyway I wasn't sure about this outfit. My fringe was down at the beginning of the day, but after a while I stopped caring because the heat was immense =/

and then I felt like being sew ~*~0riginal~*~ in black and red. Not exactly as Lolita as I would've liked(it was before I put on the hoodie), but it's there...somewhere. Also, I lost my red bow ;_;

Outfit for auditions on Friday, which was canceled due to people canceling..But! Still got to stomp about the city for a bit and had durians and talked a lot that day. I'm terrified of my outfits becoming dull and repetitive, someone halp ;_;

Anyway, rundown:

Hoodie: LP zone
Socks : Sox Galeri, Bandung
Skirt : online
Shoes :Charles and Keith
Scarf : Busura Street

And yesterday's outfit for The Pink Dot was pretty dull:

Case in point(ignore my face plz). Photo by Diana!<3
The pinkest shirt I got. I always have no idea how to coordinate that shirt, so I don't think this is anything interesting at all..That's Fiona next to me. She's awesome too, yayy. Hopefully I'll have a steampunk shoot with her soon, sometime next month. I haven't done a birthday post yet of all my awesome presents (yes, I'm so late at posting that..) and even thought it IS really late I want to. hahaha.

Maybe tomorrow I'll shiok sendiri and record myself singing something. Like Three Cheers for five years. I remember promising David we'd do some harmonising..although that was last year, haha. The song has lost favour with me, but it's still pretty fun to sing Mayday Parade songs.

Music, anyone? I need some musicians who need a label! I'm really nice most of the time.

a quickie

2009-05-14T14:21:00.003+08:00

Ahhh dawid, I miss our random convos. Now you're in school ;_;
Nehmind, once your holidays come round, you, kok chai and I are going swimming!

Also, I'd love to see Ash in similar threads like these. He'd look so good, it'll be mindblowing. Or without anything at all, that's good too ;D

I'll be creating a separate blog for the business related side of things, like the progress of ZomRec and my empire. For one, this blog is way too full of random emotions and rants to ever be considered likeable and people just think it's dull. On the one hand I'm curious as to what my readers-a-month counter is, but that's me being vain. On the other hand, I don't really mind how people read this. Same motton applies - It's for me to read back and reflect. Although, if I do have readers who love reading this blog, please let me know via tagboard! Because God knows I'm neither likeable irl or online.

Andddd copypasta from my devart as a quick plug:
If anyone in Singapore would like to book a studio to jam for a couple hours, our studio's rates are 15 SGD an hour, 28 SGD for two hours. My mum's company also does recordings for songs/albums and what have you. We're holding auditions every two weeks to scout for new talent. If anyone's interested please please drop me a note or comment on any of my journals! Or email me at hushabye_@hotmail.com!

much love<3

outfits and the days-

2009-05-14T02:22:00.004+08:00

Oldest to newest.

I can't really remember when this is from, but I remember I wore this to meet Ash after work, and went stomping about the city with him. And then met mum afterward. I love this outfit, it's become my uniform. The outfit I throw on when I don't know what to wear or I'm in a rush to get dressed or to go para. I think I've worn seven variations of this outfit, so pinpointing a date would be quite useless.

Bag :Adidas
Shoes :Batam
Shoes : from boyfrand
skirt: off an old dress
hoodie :LP zone

Also another 'uniform' when I feel too lazy to iron the skirt in the previous outfit. I think I'm starting to appreciate my skinnies, although I wish they weren't that fitting. Pairing it with a red belt is genius on my part I think, it gives me back my waist line. At certain angles I get a sort of elongated hourglass- I'm immensely pleased with this. I wear this when I feel pressed for time, especially when it's a last minute outing, and/or going out to just para and hang out.

I consider this my most dressed down look - anything more dressed down than this is what I consider sloppy.

Top : BHG
pants: ang mo kio central
belt : from mum
bag :random store in lucky plaza
bow : handmade
shoes : see above

Something more recent, I wore this out to meet Ash. I love the black dress, one of my favourite pieces. It's versatile and casual. Also a uniform, but not so much like the other two.

Dress : Isetan
Top : Mum's
socks : citrus sox
shoes :amk hub
bag : toa payoh
flower : chomel?

So far these are the most casual looks I've worn out, and by far the most frequent. These have become a sort of signature style for me(and I'm quite aware that it's not 'unique'). It's comfy and girly and no matter how simple I've made my 'style', I always make sure it's still layered and well thought out - even if it just so happened to be an afterthought.

I for one am a firm believer in dressing up. You don't have to be decked to the nines in Chanel, Gucci or Dior. Just give a shit as to how you look. I'm so sick of seeing sloppily dressed Singaporeans I can cry ten bucketfuls of tears. I truly am. I'm waiting for the day when flip flop slippers will forever be banished and be replace by more sensible open toed shoes like Savanas, and when your fucking short super short shorts when we scorned and laughed at because they look terrible. When I mean short, I mean your-ass-hanging-out-of-the-shorts- short. They just look terrible, what an eyesore. Even if you were fucking Giselle Buchan I'll rip those shorts right off you because those things just have got to fucking go.

When you go for an interview, you'd bloody well suck it up and wear that coat and endure the heat. Why? Because your employer is going to look at you and think, "Hey, if they can't be stuffed to endure the heat for a 30-minute interview, why should I be stuffed to hire their lazy asses?"

but really. There is a way of dressing down and still not look like a slob. If you're going out into the city, be bothered to at least have a bit of makeup on. Even if you hate it, at least don't leave your hair up in that limp ponytail like you just came out of the gym. Have some pride, give a shit as to how you look. I know a lot of people think I'm either a good dresser or off my rocker, but I know that I don't look like a hot mess. (However, this statement would not apply to the Me of secondary one and primary school.)

Also - what we need is tolerance. I think high caps that sit 5 inches above your head looks fucking stupid, and you think my frilly poofy skirts are dumb, but you are the only one laughing. To me, it looks like you're trying to compensate the fact that you do not a functioning brain and hence enchance the size of your cranium with a cap. (ya know, to give the appearance of a huge ass brain) You don't see me laughing. At the end of the day...you're the one who looks like a jackass that's making fun of a person who's done nothing to you. And that's fine with me. And yes, I do think our poofy skirts hide our butts..hence solving the problem of "HONEY!!!!DOES MY BUTT LOOK BIG IN THIS?"

One more thing, malay boys and girls. PLEASE STOP DYING YOUR HAIR PLATINUM BLONDE. Most of you can't pull it off, and you just look like you dunked your head in bleach by accident. And for god's sake, touch up your fucking roots for god's sake. It's so unslightly. Most of you are also not attractive enough to pull it off or possess the facial structure nessecary to pull off platinum blonde flawlessly. And I don't know, I have mixed feeling about this. Some people can pull it off due to personality, some people just know how to dress to compliment their hair. It's really a mixed bag, and I really want people to just start giving a shit about how they look .It's so exasperating to see lazy youth/people.

So, to conclude. What we need more of in this ~~world~~ Singapore;

1. Tolerance
2. Creativity
3. The ability to dress themselves
4. Pride in their appearance

That is all. It is important to note that I'm posting in the wee hours of the morning, and my train of thoughts are constantly interrupted by random things and hence my rants/arguments are ill-formed. I'm done here.

birthday post

2009-05-12T02:40:00.007+08:00

It's like 3.33 am right now, so this'll be a quickie. Photos are quite blah since they're taken by my trusty 1.3 MP phone. It does the job though.

Last Thursday I had a birthday lunch with my dad. I think we ate at Yishun's Safra club thing..yeah.

The soup of the day. Cream of broccoli...sounds ecke, but surprisingly yummy. Then again, I doubt they'd serve shitty tasting soups and make them the Soup of the day. I'm a big soup fan, mm.

My steak thing. Best part of it was the butter. It's that yellow disc. I thought it was cheese. Tasted divine! It's got rosemary and a really nutty herb (lol) I can't place my finger on. Steak was medium rare, tasted fantastic. I also learnt that chicken bacon looks like chicken poop.

The complimentary strawberry roll with custard (or was it part of the set? I forget.) which was quite tasty, although at this point I'm really too full to care for tasting it properly. It was nice having something to eat while talking to dad.

Thanks to dad for the yummy lunch! I'd go there again, seriously.

On our way out of the club dad noticed a rock climbing wall and made a beeline for the information counter to inquire. While waiting for dad I think I ran into a vague arch nemesis (who is since pronounced dead in my mind) who gave me death glares of doom. I think.

Afterward, some window shopping.

Some awesome shoes I think Ash would look great in. He should have one of every colour I think. It would suit him so well.

AWESOME RED POLKA DOT SHOES WHICH WERE ON SALE WHICH I DID NOT GET. But nevermind, I have my eye on another pair, which cost a wee bit more. (find out more in the next post probably.)

And finally-

What I wore that day. Hey, dad did say casual. Blurry picture, I know, but I wasn't really paying attention.
Top : regular criss cross top I always wear, BHG
Skirt : Mustafa center, lololololololol
Bag, scarf : idk, been with me since forever
shoes : batam (gotta get like, two more pairs of these. They're so useful, I swear.)

More photos up later since I have a few from JB and celebrating my birthday/mother's day.
Also, I need to go for a swim.

2009-05-05T06:51:00.001+08:00

please don't let me go.

I'd only say that to the tune of I'd hate to be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About, obviously. Otherwise it lose it's impact, and sounds too desperate and/or corny.

a box of magic love-

2009-05-04T13:01:00.003+08:00

Sooooo mum got me a box of happiness for my birthday!

Filled with :
Some have been eaten, however. I had to restrain myself from wolfing everything down. Harder than it looks, I'll tell ya that.

I'm a horrible food photographer. Just a quick snap before I polished off the white chocolate ball thing and a mint cube. (yeah, the ones with a green leaf on them are mint chocolates)

Soooo sinful. I need to watch my weight again! Haha.

Outfits from past week:

For Auditions on Mayday!

Skirt: Bodyline
Blouse

With and without scarf and bag.

Skirt: Bodyline
Blouse : from trip to Batam

I miss wearing lolita so much. Got strange comments, but at the end of the day I'm happy in my frills.

Saturdayyy:
Swimming with Azri! My outfit is pretty dull since I overuse those pencil shorts. So casual it's nothing interesting to document. Although if you're curious, it's a recycle of this outfit. I miss the water so much. Will probably be going swimming tomorrow if I wake up in time. Maybe I'll ask Hanu out for a dip 8D

So yesterday, Mum's cousin's wedding:
Closeup of corset/belt.
Top: BHG (lol) modified
Corset: Pasar Malam during hari raya (I can't wait for Raya now! )
Belt : Helen
Skirt: is actually a dress, from Ang mo Kio hub I think.
Shoes : Ang mo Kio
Shawl : great gramma's

I love love love wearing this outfit. So far it's only my second outfit with a long skirt. The heat made my legs sweat so much though. The skirt actually touches the floor. It's so cool to walk in it, it's like my feet are levitating...

Lately I've been getting a lot of male attention. But I never notice because..I don't pay attention to my surroundings. I don't think I'm that attractive (only moderately so, or "not-so-horribly-deformed" attractive), and the reason why people stare is mostly due to my 'outlandish' outfits. This week had proven my theory wrong, and frankly, it scares me a little. Actually, it scares me a lot. I don't really see how men (or people in general) are attracted to my loud personality. Maybe it's because they have no other choice but to listen to me, haha. I honestly think that I'd be the least likely person to have a boyfriend/girlfriend/admirer because males like females who are quiet,docile and sweet and can cook, clean and all that outdated things. Of course those things are necessary when married, but not while dating.

Oh well.

I can't wait for NAFA to start. I can't wait to study! ...And I can't believe I just said that, but okay, I can't wait. I'm terrified of people, but hopefully I'll still be able to have lunch with Hanuram and/or Ash whenever I can.

2009-04-29T19:45:00.006+08:00

Just so brilliant. Mental orgasm kay.
It's nice to know that some of my older works hold some resemblance to his work, particularly in the "Day the saucers came" poem. So brilliant. Fantastic narrating voice.

Also, funny clip Ash sent me:

SUCK ON THAT, DARK KNIGHT!

In other news, my hair is behaving well. Messy, the I-just-out-of-bed-and-it's-fucking-sexy hair, which looks totally strange in photos. Auditions this Friday, I can't wait!

Overdue pictures from outings past:

Para outing with girls, April 8th.
Originally what I intended to wear, but changed last minute because I thought it looked too formal/something I'd wear when out with Ash to a movie or something.

Something more informal- and my camera chooses to cut my head off.
I ditched the hat and wore a butterfly clip thing. I really love yellow it seems. Been wearing as much colour as I possibly can with black.
generic shoe shot.

pPhotos in the toilet after we were done. I can't remember much from that day though, cept lots of para-ing, girly fun and laughing. I remember sticking my head into the hand dryer to dry my hair though.

Outing with classmates-

Only got photos with Hanu though.

I always cover my mouth. I have no control over it what so ever in photographs.

I think he was on a step higher than me on the escalator, hence the shortness ahahahahah. Surprise shot, I look like such a jackass, yayy.
Our height difference =.= YOU DON'T NEED THE BOUFFANT HAIR ANYMORE HANU

...I don't know what going on here. I told you I had no control over what my mouth does in photographs.
I love this skirt though. It swishes when I walk, like so drama mama. Also, when I cross my legs when sitting, totally can see the tops of my thigh-highs 8D click on the photo to enlarge, you can see a bit of skin there,haha.

I don't know why I'm posting today, but hahah that's a good thing.

tea party at BA first anniversary!

2009-04-28T23:39:00.007+08:00

Outfit rundown-
Top: Jusco
belt: Ice Lemon Tea (yes, I know. but it's yellow!)
Skirt: Handmade
socks: Sox galeri in Bandung
shoes, bag: Ang Mo kio
headband: mini toons
scarf: mum's

These shoes are so worth me being broke for the rest of the month! (more rambling about said shoes below)
Outfit rundown-
Bolero, jsk: baby
socks: from pasar malam
shoes: mine, from bata ahahah
headbow: gift from me

awesome day, meet so many cute people (and broke my reclusive rori stance) and learnt that people are nicer than I thought. Also, lots of girly fun in frills! I didn't take that many pictures, but I hope the ones taken by the official photographer will be up soon 8D Azri looks awesome in sweet lolita. I'm so making her buy that jsk >D

My arm looks so thin/tan! I mean, seriously. I have got to go swimming more often kay.

This jsk looks fantastic with those shoes! They have this neat trick of looking like heels when in actual fact they're flats! Great for stomping about town. Azri in said Jsk, with me in a bssb black princess-scalloped jsk(has a really long name) and it fits like a dream! Although it's a little big in the waist. I took the back ties and tied it infront, if not my waist would have been non existant, haha. Azri srsly looks fantastic in that jsk. I can't wait till we both can get our dream jsks *_*

Kammie! She's so cute. I think her entire outfit is from baby. She played Parapara, yay! Also, being in lolita hinders my movements, and makes me suck at this game.

People liked my skirt, yay! Dusty said it was like a psychedelic trippy skirt with colours you see when high. Exactly what I was going for! Furthermore, the colours melded together, even more trippiness!

New shoes!

These babies are the reason why I'm not to spend anymore for the rest of the month. I'm also saving up for that JSK, I've still got $369 to go! I must say, they're well worth my restraint. I've been looking high and low for shoes like these. I got them at Trendy Zone, a shop in Ang Mo Kio hub. I knew there had to be a reason why I wanted to go there! I bought these on the eve of the tea party, forgetting about it. Until Azri called to ask, then I was insanely happy I got them, haha. I can't wait to use the brown t-strap ones! The black (or rather, Ash-gray) ones are so soft I was afraid of scuffing them and in effect tearing the very material. My outfit for the tea party was rushed, admittedly. It's basically a recyle of:

Which isn't very creative, haha. My cropping skills are so awesome, haahhaha. I want anothe shoot with Ash, something honest, clean and simple. At the same time showing a design of mine. Okay, maybe when I've already sewn something new, which I haven't done in forever.

New rule : dress in lolita more often. So often that you readers will get so sick of the same clothes over and over 8D That is, if I even had any readers in the first place, which I doubt.
I should also post more often.

Goodnight, it's like, 1.30 am and I'm not risking an increase in my eyebags.

2009-04-20T23:08:00.001+08:00

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU TWO SEPERATELY, AND I LOVELOVE LOOVEEEE YOU TWO TOGETHER!

YES IT'S CAPLOCK MONDAY

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU PEOPLE

2009-04-20T12:33:00.002+08:00

Outing last Saturday was pretty awesome, even if I was sweating like, all the time =.=

Thanks to hanu for being my body guard that day <3 I think I got a picture of my outfit, but it's pretty dull and non-Anis. Still comfy as heck to wear though, and it totally splits open to reveal some thigh, heheh.

2009-04-19T22:54:00.003+08:00

I think we're both quite useless at this thing. Frankly, I hate MSN with a vengeance because it causes so many misunderstandings between us.

but yeah, what does it matter now, really.

2009-04-17T14:52:00.002+08:00

I still have a fever and shit. This blows, I'd better get well by tomorrow =_=

Ho yeah, new skin. Ash cam over on the 15th to look after me. It's pretty embarrassing, because I'm a huge crybaby when I'm sick. And the reason why I remember the date so well is mostly due to me saying(in my heightened delusion)." ASH IT'S TWO YEARS AND A HALF 8DDDD" with a really moronic grin on my face. He says I make funny noises when I sleep, a sort of animal. Geez.

2009-04-13T10:15:00.001+08:00

...that's it. I've never felt so defeated and unwanted. Guess there's a first time for everything.

2009-04-12T23:53:00.002+08:00

well. things between Ash and I are considerably better. Just that he's leaving soon in July, so we're going to spend whatever time we have left. And try not to get mad at each other.

Today was a pretty awesome day. Hanuram and Azri came over today for some Guitar Hero and general talk and watching Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency. Random fun and lots of laughs, I love you both so dearly. Ash was supposed to come but wasn't feeling well. He'll make it up to me tomorrow when we watch Fanboys! I feel so excited to the point that I can't sleep. It's been a while since I've last had this feeling of anticipation. Almost like...a first date. I miss all these feelings, and I'm glad they're for him.

Longer blogpost (and pictures) up tomorrow when I'm rested.

2009-04-10T01:01:00.002+08:00

fuck this. I can't believe you have to leave. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LEAVE.

..you're..not. It'll be painfully naive of me to think you'd be here forever. I'm so tired of fighting and arguing. Our ...bliss comes crashing down so easily,and all i can think of is "I'm sorry. Let's start over".

...I'm starting to miss you already, and you haven't even left yet.

2009-04-08T20:44:00.001+08:00

today, I just got fucked, twice times over. And I don't mean sexually.

I'm fucking pissed off, hurt and feeling like shit basically, but it's not worth all this nonsense.

It's pretty obvious you aren't worth shit.

2009-04-07T02:05:00.001+08:00

Guess I'm still only fourteen years old, and you've outgrown me.

Today was the perfect way to end things; it was an awesome outing. Time to move on I guess.

='/

2009-04-03T00:25:00.003+08:00

outfit from today. One of my favourites, because it is so comfy and casual. Met mum for a bit, visited the studio and then met Ash for a bit for general discussion and fluff.

rundown!
bow: handmade
top, shoes : batam
skirt : no idea, cut off from a previous dress
hoodie : L.P zone
socks : gift from ash

pretty good day overall. Swimming tomorrow with rubini and hanu, yayyy<3

outing!

2009-04-01T23:04:00.006+08:00

Yesterday, March 31st.

Sooo I got up early, got ready and meet Ash for lunch and general hanging out and discussion. No pictures of him and I however, because I forget. Met up with Kok Chai and Dawiddd at orchad.

First photo of the day. David has no eyes.

After stomping about Far east, Ash got himself a shirt. I think we were there for about two hours then he had to head off to work.

Walked over to Taka and making random jokes. Nearly got kok chai to walk into a sex shop. Would've been awesome. Anyway. They got new pouches and I got the rest of Kok Chai's gelato(!!!) there.
David's wrist thingy for a dollar. Scandalous!

Only good photo we got before my camera died on us.
...no comment.
ignore my face. the only other photo halfway decent, haha. We also fail at recognizing the space we had. thinking it'd be cramped, we cramped to one side. how silly =.=

I think we're in Tangs? I'm not sure.
ahahaahahha priceless!

David is happy to have his own "brand".

anndddd my outfit.

Pretty awesome day in total.

TODAY-

SWIMMING! with hanuram. Didn't sleep,left the house at 8 am and got there pretty late, at about 9am. Fucking hot, my skin feels burnt. Managed ten laps and he did..two? I think. Ate something small, talked/bitched about things and left home. Felt like dead meat, dragging myself about. Was supposed to meet Ash for lunch but had an argument so I slept until 8.30pm, drifting in and out of sleep.

gotta go swim again soon, or jog at least. My weight is still the same, and it frustrates me to no end.

goodnight.

2009-04-01T02:09:00.002+08:00

We got better, a lot better. In fact, so good that I could feel all my insecurities melt away- they just didn't exist.

We were happy.

..And then it all came to a crashing end. Why? Because I didn't feel like you understood me, at all. Yes, everything is about me me me me ememememememememeemmeemmem.

Sarcasm, if you please. I've had a pretty good start of the week. Guess I peeked too early. Hoping things will get better, maybe.

2009-03-27T14:12:00.001+08:00

well, that's the end.

Thanks for the memories Ash.

2009-03-18T01:56:00.000+08:00

BACK FROM BANDUNG. My cell is also spoilt, so plz to calling my house phone plz ._.

anywayyyy.

I realize that I really like them. hur.

2009-03-06T03:44:00.004+08:00

okay, it's almost 4 and I just hung up on David. I just lost all communication skills. Kinda fun talking to him again, he's so full of lulz. I'm craving to go out with them again. Also, I'm craving a nice snuggle session from Ash. Need comfort plox ._.

In other news, I got into NAFA.

I still can't believe it, considering I thought I'd fucked up the entire test. Although I'm terrified at the prospect of meeting new people. I'm just so goddamn awkward. I clamor up and tell inappropriate jokes that offend people more than amuse them. I am itching to go out to para. Azri, plz to stop working nao ._.

I hope I get to see Ash today. Might be good after all the fighting. Also, I've started praying again. I'm proud of myself. And I'm almost done with a drawing that was supposed to be for Valentines. Ahh well. Pray that I get a new laptop charger *_*

Walküre

2009-02-19T12:09:00.005+08:00

I don't care that this picture is too big for my layout.

Because we were both sick on VeeDay, Tuesday was our Valentines.
We watched Walküre, in which I bawwed like a baby at the end. The film got slammed by critics however, I found it enthralling. I'm neither fan nor 'hater' of Tom Cruise, but I liked it. I know next to nothing about Operation Valkyrie itself because I find German history just a bit too taxing. God knows how Ash does it, I fail at it buttt anyway. Even though the Nazi uniform has long been associated with evil, I still think it's just so damn smart. And hot. That aside, von Stauffenburg takes his eye in and out like he does contact lenses.

Also, I need to bring more things into the cinema. Or,ya know, rip my own arm off just so I have something to throw at them morons for laughing at inappropriate times.

When your superior is suspicious of you when you do not say in response, "Heil Hitler!" this is not a funny moment. When you respond,"HEIL HITLER" in a loud, convincing tone and lifting the arm that has been amputated because of the war your Führer is leading, it is NOT a funny moment. To me, it was a sort of...well, I'm not quite sure how I should interpret it. It sort of says, "Heil Hitler, the man whose war has my arm loped off and yet I'm still a faceless colonel serving him in his war". It could mean either way, either Stauffenburg was showing his loyalty, or showing his defiance by using his amputated arm. But NO, to the other children in the audience, it was a hahahahahah funny moment. Thanks for ruining that moment.

Although, I really did enjoy the show. Half the time I had Ash's arm around me, and the other half I was on the edge of my seat, not particularly sure of what to do but watch. Thank god he always has tissues, I cried...a lot. The last scene is so dramatic too. Adjutant von Haeften runs into Stauffenburg's path and is shot first. Stauffenburg just screams, "LONG LIVE SACRED GERMANY" and is shot.

I'm a horrible story teller, but that was the gist. It was such an awesome date.

o, how the mighty have fallen.

2009-02-16T21:07:00.002+08:00

pointless to hope for better things. Anyway, I was wasting my time. You don't care, do there is no point to miss you or anything.

All things aside, I still really hate my weight and I want to um, magically drop it all off. Para this Wednesday if I'm well enough.

..I really wished you were dead.

2009-02-13T01:08:00.004+08:00

This is incredibly trippy.

ilu MAC<3
That blondie's outfit is reminiscent of Lolita in a strange way. More of Nabokov's Lolita than the fashion though(hello underwear!)

Anyway,on a less trippy note, I really hate being me at the moment. More of the fact that I'm horrible on myself. Nothing terrible in my life is happening, it's all an internal thing. Although my weight is acceptable on weight-for-height scales, I don't know. I think all the paint I've inhaled for the past few years has finally gotten to me.

I'm like what, 57 kilograms and 165 centimeters. I'm hoping to bring it down to like..50 or something. Weight matters aside, sounds like a challenge. I like a challenge. Last year I was like..63 or 65 kilograms at my heaviest, and I lost about 8 kilos off, my goal exactly for the year! XD I got it down to 55kilos for kicks, but mum told me I looked too skinny for my own good, and that my boobs were threatening to take over my face.

I suppose I'm in a bad place right now. Just hope this will all come to pass.

Thanks for still being here, Ash.

2009-02-12T04:48:00.002+08:00

holy crap, do I regret quitting dance classes.

and well, ballet. If not, I'd be able to touch my freaking toes! (stretch and whatnot I'm sure) However, I may lose my boob weight. Mm.

2009-02-10T17:11:00.002+08:00

This girl makes me rage SO MUCH.

plz 2 b getting an idea of what Lolita is, kthnxbai.

2009-02-09T23:26:00.002+08:00

Just goes to show you that you can't trust anyone anymore.
Especially not a douchebag like you.

outing with dawid and kc!<3

2009-02-09T00:02:00.002+08:00

SWIMMING, FRIDAY7 JANUARY

Sooooo I woke up late, got out late, and got there late. They seemed pretty okay though, sorry guys ._.

I think I was over dressed. Anyway. We took a cab there to Anchorvale CC because we'd get lost. Getting the cab itself was horribly taxing. It kinda made me wonder just about a thousand times over why we didn't hang out more while we were in school. Kok chai is really funny. We had to walk up a fair distance away from school to get a cab. All the cabs seemed to be traveling on the opposite side instead of ours. Infuriating.

We got there though, and practically ran out of the cab. AND OMG, ONLY 80 CENTS TO GET IN, SIBEH HAPPY. We swam and splashed and laughed and...zzz got water in my nose. The slides are more awesome than they look. Anyway, we left after a while to go have dinner. Kc left early to celebrate his granpa's birthday. David and I walked about quite zombie and dull and left like a half hour after Kc left.

Pretty much that day in a nutshell 8D
I can't wait to go out again with them<3

TODAY

Met with Azri for para and general girly fun. We para-ed for a good 2 hours, eat and walked about. SHOPPING! Lots of trying clothes on and taking them off. We went in out of the same changing room about 5 times. Holy crap it was fun. But I wished we weren't so tired. Before we left she got her brother's pencil case and we went into Topshop into a last ditch effort to be energetic. I danced in three inch heels 8D The shoes there are awesome, I'd get them in a heart beat if I were shorter. SO MUCH FUN TODAY! Para-ed, eating sweets, chocolate, MORE PARA and SHOPPING. Perfect day to be girly<3

Pictures from today will be uploaded soon I think. Sadly, no pictures taken on Friday u_u

Wow, I am in a really good mood. Hopefully I'll be able to meet up with Ash soon, and get my laptop charger wire fixed.

perfect photo-

2009-02-06T23:28:00.002+08:00

Phototest- by ~TehStarGuardian on deviant ART

More or less sums him up. His sister took it, accidental genius<3

photos with ash-

2009-02-05T23:36:00.002+08:00

Only one just to give you an idea of what I wore. Also, I need to learn how to use Photoshop. I know, I'm a horrible model. The skirt got ruined by the end of the day, but I was so proud to wear it out!<3

Anyway, skirt is by me, blouse from Jusco, and everything else is offbrand.

cause we're both 'tards anyway..

2009-02-01T01:34:00.006+08:00

I look more EXTREME, ADMIT IT.
I TOLD YOU I HAD A WEDGIE, BUT NOOOO YOU-
AWW SHIT NOW IT'S RIDING UP, IT HURTS K
oooo, but it's awwwwright, cause I just let one rip. CAN'T YA TELL BY MY FACE
NOOO AZRI, THEY STOLE YOUR FACEEE DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
(and my nose apparently, I ONLY HAS THOSE GIGANTO HOLES IN MY FACE D:)

Now, SERIOUS PICTURES GAISE.

NO NO YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG. THERE ARE TOO HUGE ASS HOLES AGAIN, WHEN WILL I LEARN OH THE HUMILITY

Okay, SERIOUSLY NOW.

Nope sorry, you still look like a 'tard.

ALMOST THERE, TRY HARDER.

There we go, a proper picture. Lookin sexy thar bb. (not you to the Right, you still look blah.)

PARA TIME PLOX. Pictures from my camera are STUCK WITHIN UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. THANK YOU.

the nutcracker prince-

2009-01-31T01:45:00.001+08:00

My favourite part of the movie.

2009-01-30T01:25:00.000+08:00

"This time, I won't come back."

so, childhood eh?

2009-01-28T18:26:00.003+08:00

For the past week or so, I've been indulging in old favourites. Started off thinking about old cartoons I used to watch. Here's the list:

I vaguely remember having a crush on Ja-Kal, because he's just so noble. And he speaks in riddles. Strange taste in ~~fictional~~ men. I finished watching all the episodes uploaded, I feel sad there aren't anymore. Boo. I love that they all treat Nefertina like a baby sister, instead of trying to get into her (mummified) pants. Searching for this was annoying as hell because my M button is hard to press on the keyboard.

I watched this on tape. I think we had like..2 episodes? I'm still watching the episodes. Oh geez, I live a hermit lifestyle. Anyway, I really like Goliath's voice. Something about me and voices. The thing about Gargoyles that really gets me is that DISNEY aired it.

While I don't recall the show specifically, that theme song is just so damn CATCHY.

Also very catchy, and very femmy. Makes my skin crawl at how much I love watching this show.

Vaguely remember this show. Theme song is too long winded and there are no easy words to remember, and hence was the hardest to recall. Now, if you just had easy words like SHE-RA! SHE-RA! SHE-RA! SHE-RA!, people would remember your show a lot better.

Reboot-I remember this because Ash asked whether I knew of it. I said no, until I saw the video of the theme song. haha. Holy crap, cartoons have devolved into not much now. Of course there are exceptions, but I'll be damned if my child (if I had one) had to watch the stuff on TV. As good as they might be, they shouldn't be ignorant of the classics.

Time for a new blogskin. Last outing with Nad and gang tomorrow, I'm gunna dance like there's no tomorrow!

2009-01-28T02:19:00.001+08:00

- weight gain is annoying. geez. Need to get rid of a couple more kilograms, yay.
- more shopping.
- I love jusco

ok Im done

2009-01-20T03:15:00.001+08:00

Tonight was one of the rare nights that I forget about being a brat. That I forget about the small house I live in and how stifling it is. For the first time in a long while, I realized again how cruel the world outside is. I forgot how other parents need to sell their daughters in order to get by. How many thousands of girls and boys out there suffering right now? How can I possibly sit motionless and unmoved by their plight?

At the risk of sounding overtly dramatic, all started when I decided to start cleaning my closet. So I had Hallmark on because I lost my remote and I was lazy to change it. So it's 1am and this was on. What do I do? Watch. And the first thing that greets me is that viewer discretion disclaimer. Not for the "faint of heart". Oh geez, I thought I was made of stronger stuff. There were so many instances in the movie where I just stop and hold my face in my hands and weep. The only thought going through my head was,"How can you let this happen?" And after a while, I started praying. Eventually I stopped, I could hear myself murmuring,"Dear God, I don't know what to pray anymore. Help them." And continued weeping.

I stopped breathing for a while when there was too much mucus blocking my nasal cavity.

It just hurt too much that I could do nothing. How many more thousands of children are abducted every single fucking minute? How many have been abducted while I'm typing out all this? Fuck. I'm really not ready to be grown up.

2009-01-17T14:25:00.000+08:00

okay. On impulse I took Fashion Merchandising and Design..or whatitscalled.

wish me luck.

2009-01-16T00:08:00.003+08:00

This is not part of the plan.

My plan was to go to NAFA by hook or by crook, take a diploma in Fashion merchandising and design and then by hook or by crook go fly with Singapore Airlines. Fly with them for 10 years while working another job when I'm not flying. I should be able to earn a decent amount of money by then to get myself a pretty motorbike and a decent sized house.

And now, suddenly, I want to teach.

THIS IS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
NOT PART OF MY BLOODY PLAN.

Why do I suddenly want to help children? Why do I suddenly want to inspire them? Why do I suddenly want a stable, practical job?

Maybe I'm just not made for the real world. Too indecisive.

letting you go-

2009-01-15T03:29:00.000+08:00

The things that make us deep
Are the things that we wont speak
Well, you and I
We don't feel like we used to
Every day's a memory gone by
What they are to me
Too many words to ever speak
So I'm here inside
And I'm still alive

How do we make it all real
I just cant decide
I want to know you for a while
Instead of letting you go again
I can't be stuck here forever, you know

I'm on fire, I am
I'm letting you know
I'm letting you go
I watch you go
The things that bring us together
Only wait to tear us apart
Time goes passing over us
We get lost within our hearts
And nobody ever can remember
How we got there strong or not
We've gone limber and bent ourselves
Towards our differences now
Pulling us apart
They always try to tell you
You'll be alright in time
But what do they know
They're just another
That's missing something on the inside
And how we'll ever be
Better than a memory
Is the question
You will ask me
You will ask me in your dreams
In your dreams
You will ask me in your dreams
I will see you in your dreams.

I should have done this long ago. =/

2009-01-14T13:18:00.001+08:00

oh hayyyy.

Results were pretty okay.

2009-01-08T03:17:00.002+08:00

outing with aufa/david was awesome, but my day got ruined anyway.

thanks =/

Assume things all you want. What a waste of my years.

nevermind. Time to move on, burn everything.

girl's day out~!

2009-01-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

outing with david/aufa tomorrow!
Girls' day out 8D

2009-01-05T12:42:00.000+08:00

another night, another dream wasted on you.

et cetera

2009-01-05T00:15:00.005+08:00

there's a subtle undercurrent in the
stream you wade in; there be
secret stones and hiding sharks awaiting
I cannot find you now, what rock
are you hiding under?

I cannot find that filigree locket
you've kept under your shirt
the currents are getting stronger
there are no secret rocks
there are no secret rocks
there are no secret rocks

for you to hide under
under the algae I did search, not
a sign of your dark waves- none
of them were snagged under
the subtle waves

I want to panic and kick and
find you now- I worry excessively
have you gone under?
the currents are getting stronger now
the currents are getting stronger now
the currents are getting stronger now

that's why there are no secret rocks
no secrets rocks to hide under

there, in your silvered hair
I find you hiding under
flaccid fingers and dancing fronds
and crying stones and shells

there is no more life in here
not in the burning water here
no bleeding rocks to embrace.

my sekret addiction-

2009-01-04T20:47:00.003+08:00

Well, indulgence once in a while. Dad bought me a box, which I intended to share with my brothers when they got home. Before I knew it, it was all gone. Luckily neither of them was home, so I can go out and get them a brand new box.

O level results soon. Hah.

2009-01-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

Omg, I love Scrubs so much.

So, new year's.

2009-01-02T01:37:00.003+08:00

Crap picture because this was taken when I got home in the morning. And well, my brother's a horrible photographer (srsly, why the tennis bag???? Didn't even ask me to shift, pfft.) And well, I'm lazy to crop, hah. The clock there is just about right, but an hour faster.

Yesterday I was supposed to meet Drew for the countdown, but mum asked whether we'd like to go for the countdown party at Seletar. I said yes immediately because well, I missed Seletar.

First time I ever danced like shiet,non-stop for 3 freaking hours. In that. My corset thing kept coming undone, and my petti was deflated by the time I got home. Apparently I'm a good dancer, even though I've never danced, apart from para para. My makeup was messed up like woa,but it didn't really matter, half the time the room was in dimly-lit rooms with strobe lights. I realized that I could only connect and converse with people who are either too young or older, but not those of my age group. It's almost depressing. Rather, it would be if I didn't find my peers to be dull. I felt like kicking myself in the bottom yesterday- turns out Hyde Park was virtually infested with artists! Imagine the guidance I could've had while I was living in Seletar! Made me facepalm so many times. Also, I seem to only attract those of the older generation rather than the youngins =.=

That's seriously frightening.

Had so much fun that I didn't even feel my knees buckling. Mum danced like crazy, and I headbanged and...did random moves. Danced with tabitha, my neighbour's daughter. She was so awesome. Everyone was under the impression that I was old enough to drink.

Resolutions for this year:
1. Make more clothes
2. learn to sing without hurting myself
3. lose about...five more kilograms? (haha)
4. learn to believe in God
5. be friendlier/nicer
6. figure out my life.

because I'm tired-

2008-12-30T04:32:00.000+08:00

aahaha cuteeeeeeee.

2008-12-30T04:24:00.000+08:00

yay! going out with vee tomorrow!<333

2008-12-29T13:29:00.002+08:00

I fucking loathe my plans getting canceled. Especially thanks to you, you fucking dumbass.

You men are all fucking useless.

disassociative.

2008-12-25T23:15:00.004+08:00

I can tell you what they say in space
That our earth is too grey
But when the spirit is so digital
The body acts this way
That world was killing me
That world was killing me
Disassociative

The nervous systems down, the nervous systems down

I know

I can never get out of here
I don't want to just float in fear
A dead astronaut in space

Sometimes we walk like we were shot through our heads, my love
We write our song in space like we are already dead and gone
Your world was killing me
Your world was killing me
Disassociative
Your world was killing me
Your world was killing me
Disassociative

I can never get out of here
I don't want to just float in fear
A dead astronaut in space
The nervous systems down, the nervous systems down.

Yay! going out with David to source for prom stuff tomorrow. Holy crap, am excited.
Today was a pretty good day. I woke up late because I was so shagged from work (see, I can't work!). We were supposed to meet at 1pm, I woke up a half hour before that. We had ice cream at this Japanese restaurant on the Suntec basement. It was good,like woa. I remember I had raspberry and mint gelato. Both had airy sorts of flavours, nothing really solid but it was a pleasant surprise. Most mints I've tasted have this really strong taste, but this one had a sort of Darlie toothpaste flavour- somthing like and subtle, hinting with bits of mint. Mint and raspberry, brilliant combination. The raspberry was sour and tangy, made a wonderful companion to the mint. Just nice.

After that, KARAOKE!

For an hour, we sat in that booth singing random songs (and dancing too) I vaguely remember making jerking movements (akin to dancing) to Ain't no other Man. So ridiculous *_* Tall glasses of ice teas later, we were rushing to Marina Square for PARAPARA! We all kept taking turns, playing on HARD. Which has given me more toned biceps, surprisingly. My hand-eye coordination sucks.

Met Ash after, sorted out our differences. Somehow ended up in War Memorial singing song from Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge with him. It was great. The city is beautiful at night- you tend to see less people walking about War Memorial, and the sun is gone. So much cooler, I'm not sweating and ruining my makeup/hair/etc. Totally forgot about pictures today. Mmm.

Well, SENG KANG STUDENTS (graduating ones anyway), please turn your attention here. PLZ 2 B CONFIRMING NOW. Getting irked by the lack of response. People keep complaining about there not being a prom, and when someone actually does it, they don't bother turning up. The fuck?

Feels like something's going to rupture.

2008-12-23T01:12:00.005+08:00

For once in a really long while, there is no one.

To think, I thought I was having a great day. Sales were pretty good today, and a lady on the train home blessed me in all my future endeavors. She said I was amazing..which I blushed at. Ha. She saw me drawing, and suddenly exclaimed, "You're really good!" Which shocked me like hell. So I thought that was going to be the best end to my day. My coworkers were funny and nice, a really nice customer came by, and I got complimented. I expected to come home, find mum there watching Tv and folding clothes. To have her complain about how smelly my feet are and nag at me to go take a bloody shower. Or to call Ash up and tell him about my day, because I couldn't stop smiling all the way home.

Had none of that, did none of that.

Well, job's over by Wednesday. After that, then I'll figure out what the hell to do for my portfolio.

Found a picture that made me lol silently.
hahaha wtf aufa.

2008-12-18T16:47:00.001+08:00

Well, thank you. It's true, so I gotta get used to it.

2008-12-18T00:12:00.003+08:00

taken from Azri's blog:

My outfit from Loli-day. Nothing special, and extremely belated. That day was the day nadi came home, so I really needed to tone it down. Eh well.

and shit, I really hate being ignored.

2008-12-17T00:41:00.001+08:00

Finally sent in my resignation letter. Yay.

because she's awesum

2008-12-11T00:33:00.002+08:00

See, she looks like my sister.

She's one of favourite things to have on my arm because she'll go anywhere and everywhere. And she's there when I need her. Thank you.♥

2008-12-07T13:49:00.002+08:00

Today, men are fucking useless.

Or just two in particular. Both of whom have cell phones in their possession, FUNCTIONING cell phones at that, and yet NEITHER ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY PICKED UP THEIR FUCKING PHONES. Yet they have the gall to get mad at ME when I don't pick up my phone.I know they must be busy, but HELLO. 20 miss calls in the past 2 hours. I just want to break their bloody cell phones.

In other news, Nadiah's coming home! Anddd, happy rori day my fellow frilly loves<3

2008-12-06T00:58:00.003+08:00

I snapped at mother after she asked me nicely to massage her aching legs. And I snapped. How the fuck could I do that to her?

what the fuck is wrong with me.

2008-12-03T10:11:00.000+08:00

I wonder if my father felt this much pain after mum left. I wonder if he cried until there were potfuls of snot that kept coming.I wonder if he felt the only comfort he'd feel would be to bang his head against the wall until he bled. I wonder if he knows that I feel the same way.

I wonder if you know that I can't stop crying for long.I keep holding back the urge to cry pitifully, all daylong while I work, and anytime I begin to sniff I say it's the cold. I'm sick still.It's been a while I was properly rested.Since the only thing I thought of was, "hm, I wonder if you're thinking of me now..." and then call to know that,surprise! you were. But in reality,you were bored, and have been for a while. In reality, "love" is a lie made highly popular by hallmark. In reality...I spent two years taking one step forward, twenty steps back.It kills me to know that. I knew you were hiding things from me.I just didn't know what. I gave everything I had. But it didn't work.

I'm sad it didn't. I'm sad that I'd been lied to, and mocked. I'm sad because...I'm a failure. What I am...serves as nothing. Nothing at all. I was thinking of quitting my job at Chomel, because it really sucks. Now it seems like the only way I can forget you. To not think about the things we did, the things we laughed about, the things that mattered. Or that you used to do the little things I ask of you,like kissing my toe or wearing my head bow. Today a group of ite students came in to look.I died a little inside, feigning tiredness to hide my face behind the counter. I felt then that I had to let you go. And everything else you were connected to. I wanted to explode.

I still do. Although now it just feels like my lungs are collapsing and there is nothing else I can do but cry and cry and cry and drown myself.I'm not strong enough to do this. I hate being alone. I hate being abandoned, and I hate being sad. I hate being alone.

2008-11-20T00:01:00.002+08:00

My self image is pretty bad at the moment. I'm constantly dissatisfied with my weight even though I had promised myself just to be happy with it. Well. I don't know what my goal weight is. My current weight is healthy, but still, somehow, I just really, really hate it. Almost makes me want to binge. If it weren't for my tonsils,I probably would.

=/

2008-11-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

Single life, here I come.
=/

2008-11-15T01:27:00.002+08:00

Because we haven't taken a new photo, this will have to do instead. So, happy anniversary Ash. Here's to many more. You've given me a shitton of heartache, and I have done the same for you-
but you've also made me very happy. You've gone through my friends, my family, and everything else that came in between.

Okay, I can't think straight now, but all you have to know is that I love you,kay?

I really suck at these things, yay.

2008-11-10T13:38:00.003+08:00

1. we are both very impulsive people.
2. plz to stop being emo,kthnx
3. no more breaking up over small things
4. ARGH, I KEEL YEW.

...silly boy. SO anti-climatic.

2008-11-10T11:52:00.003+08:00

Dude's hot. Reminds me of someone I can't quite put my finger on....Ah well, doesn't matter.

That guy's better off dead.I haven't done any sort of reading on this guy yet (whose name is Ferus Olin).

2008-11-10T11:05:00.002+08:00

Okay, usually I really don't like pop artists at all.

I'll make my exception for Lady Gaga.
She was on JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE! one night. I tuned in because a) I was bored, b)I couldn't sleep and c)The Nanny wasn't on. I don't like all her songs, but I like some enough to post about her. I thnk she's one of the few that doesn't lipsynch even though she dances a LOT during lives. I don't know why, maybe it's because she's got bangs or that she's a blonde now (a shade I actually like) but she's certainly got my attention.

on another note, I need to change the layout. And, ONE MORE PAPER, YESSSSS.

2008-11-09T21:02:00.001+08:00

1 MORE PAPER TO GO.

but I don't feel any better. In fact, I feel like crap. Oh, joy.

2008-11-06T12:07:00.000+08:00

OKAY, 2 MORE PAPERS, YEY.

MY PHONE IS CURRENTLY FUCKED, SO NO CALLS/MSGS PLZ.

YAY, ANNIVERSARY IS 9 DAYS AWAYS, AHAHA.

I HATE MAH PERIOD, KTHNX

2008-11-04T18:06:00.001+08:00

3 MORE PAPERS, 3 MORE GODDAMN PAPERS!